The beginning of remembered life They say, is 3 years old The stream of consciousness I let in to wander my trembling mind Brings me to nullified f e e l i n g s Like an ant doing its part To feed The Queen The work is mechanical Cold The rote memory of someone petrified of softness Juxtaposed With a faithful kneeling at God’s altar praying to be heard There in-between is A hollowed eyed little girl with inky straight bangs staring into s p a c e as an auditorium roars on kindergarten graduation day No trace of a smile The lady takes photo after photo Memories… the shutter shuts again a living vintage doll in ruffles holding a floral bunny Staring past Staring past tossed in waves like a chipped seashell In time she grew… Morphing blank stares into screams of red hot words made to cut steel into muffled howls in darkened rooms into fabricated eye crinkling smiles to keep the i l l u s i o n Once the pain became numb… leaning into all forms of e s c a p e Altering the mind to feel… N o r m a l seized in the form of destruction abandoning myself As if nothing in me Of me Could ever be sacred Like the wounds of a third degree burn victim The raw exposed minced meat stays covered by a thin film of glistening ointment wrapped in sterile white gauze a safe barrier for adults Who cannot bear to look at their grotesque neglect too c l o s e l y The scars remain hidden even now if you gaze into toasted brown eyes A hairline crack may Expose Depth of loss hold on a little longer I’ll crumble… Into blooming roadside wild flowers As raindrops fall from cool stones clinging on to the minutes of fleeting beauty quietly fighting to stay alive in a dreadful beginning that knows no end And an end that has no beginning I still allow little skin hairs to absorb every brush of contact Like a gift from a child kept sacred
Layered Fragments, Becoming Whole 