Layered Fragments, Becoming Whole

I watched myself pour coffee beans 
into the grinder, pressed the power button  
the motor started, whirling 
eager blades to b r e a k bean 
into fine grains of loamy soil  
Fresh, oily scent of malted chocolate  
and dried cherries  
filled the air.  

I drifted off,  
into memory 
as if the world existed there, 
inside that damning space  
stopped on its axis,  
g l i t c h i n g, doomed to replay this scene 
like a stutter to the end of time. 

I floated above and to the side 
wondering why I lifted myself o u t  
Without choosing, numbing blankets settled,  
blunting sharp nerves, blurring focused vision, unhooking mind  
restless and jumbled,  
like shaken seltzer water, f o a m i n g   

circuit cut  
 
emotions drummed like finger pads on smooth surface 
barely accessible as my heart thumped  
suspended, in post x c r a s h  
hyperaware of nausea rolling up  
Time ticking, s l o w 
sweat beads forming down my back  
Not feeling, hollow buffering 

Half a click, pinged  

I shift back into living space,  
hands r e a c h, automatic 
to pour ground coffee into the filter  
flip the switch, buzzing  
water releasing, gurgling 
pipes steam  

H i s s i n g  

Drip, drip  
The espresso bloke died.  

You know, 
6 years.

Just like that -- dead.